Humor

SNL: Ashton Kutcher/Them Crooked Vultures

HOWARD MEGDAL: This one leaves me unimpressed. Pretty scattershot, and Gibbs wouldn’t appear on that panel, plus that isn’t remotely like Robert Gibbs. This one is overdone. Look, they show that Fox News is unbalanced. I already knew that. Even the Glenn Beck, by virtue of being material-free, wastes a good effort from Jason Sudeikis.

STEVE MURPHY: Not their worst… but not funny, either. Although I did enjoy looking at Abby Elliot.

ZOË RICE: The best thing about this open was Attractive Blonde Lady, which made me chuckle. Unfortunately the overall affect was slow, with a couple decent moments but not enough.

In Briefs: Facebook Celebrity Dopplegangers

In Briefs: Super Bowl Predictions

JASON CLINKSCALES: I’m not big on posting scores, but since this is the proverbial gun-to-head scenario, I’ll say Indy 31 – NO 24.

HOWARD MEGDAL: Colts 38, Saints 10

CHRIS PUMMER: Saints 126, Colts -7

Corporations Are People?

JEFF MORROW, INC.: Finally, I belong.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I don’t understand why everyone is so concerned about the fact that corporations are now free to donate massive sums of money to promote the political candidates of their choosing.

Groundhog Day

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is requesting a robotic stand-in for the furry favorite of the beloved Groundhog Day festival known ’round the world. PETA says it’s unfair to keep Phil in captivity and then subject him to huge crowds and bright lights every Feb. 2…

The animal is “being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania,” William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, said. The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture.

-PETA Wants Robotic Groundhog to Replace Phil, January 27, 2010

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: PETA’s newest concern is everyone’s favorite groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. They propose that Phil be freed from his captivity and spared the attention that comes his way on February 2.

Really, PETA? Please.

HOWARD MEGDAL: Both PETA and Jill appear to be missing a much larger, disturbing point: the average child in Pennsylvania is, by the state’s own admission, treated worse than a groundhog.

Olympics Preview

AKIE BERMISS: People hate the Olympics. I’m not sure why. I know its really boring and there are (usually) no gunfights, or stabbings, or explosions.

TED BERG: This is a drum I’ve been beating a long time: The Olympics suck.

Electronic Cigarettes

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Electronic cigarette, you are so clearly not actually burning. You are not a real cigarette. Stop trying to be unobtrusive and realistic looking.

HOWARD MEGDAL: While I am against the electronic cigarettes Molly mentions above, let me be clear: I am even more wholeheartedly against what I though e-cigarettes were prior to researching this article, which is paying of real money for virtual cigarettes, either in jpg form or smoked in some kind of Second Life/The Sims kind of way.

AKIE BERMISS: I smoke cigars. I have a habit. Some would call it a bad habit. In fact, everybody calls it a bad habit. And I don’t mind. I don’t go down to the bar and slap the sugary cocktails out of their mouths and they don’t come to my house (while I’m watching Glee) and knock the cigar out of mine. To each their own, I say. We all have our vices: smoking, drinking, television, pornography. Not horrible things that ruin the lives of those around like (like, say, a fetish for public indoor urinating) but the things we love to enjoy in the privacy of our private places. Vices are usually bad or bad for you, or considered bad form. Fair enough. As well they should be.

BeautifulPeople.com

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I’m pretty. I mean, I think I’m pretty. People who aren’t my parents have told me that, unprompted. But am I beautiful? Beautiful enough for www.beautifulpeople.com?

TED BERG: As a beautiful person, I am thrilled that there is finally an Internet dating service that caters to my specific, beautiful needs. Granted, I’m happily married, but it’s great to know there’s now a giant safety net out there for those of us who couldn’t bear the idea of electronically mingling with the unwashed masses.

Divorce, Facebook-Style

HOWARD MEGDAL: So according to a recent survey, 20 percent of divorce claims in Britain cite Facebook as a primary culprit in the splitting of two betrothed people.

At the risk of exonerating Facebook, might I suggest the possibility that Facebook is a symptom, not a cause of divorce?

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: How can Facebook NOT lead to an increase in divorce? Everyone you’ve ever dated is just a poke away!

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I could understand a man leaving me for someone younger and hotter. A stripper, maybe, or a contortionist. I would have had more respect if he had rekindled something torrid with an ex-flame, or even met someone new and infinitely more fabulous – or at least better in bed. But no. I got dumped for FarmVille.

EZ Pass

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Those who stand by EZ Pass will defend it to the death, and I appreciate their ardor; but they’re wrong. Just so they know that. I am a fierce opponent of this destructive, elitist system. I won’t stand for any kind of toll booth that won’t accept money. If you’ve ever squinted into the darkness while hurtling toward a toll plaza and searching desperately for that little green arrow above a booth which means that it takes actual currency, well then you feel my pain.

HOWARD MEGDAL: Your perspective combines the worst American tendencies- an inability to grasp a simple concept paired with the incomprehensible decision to live anywhere but the Northeast.

AKIE BERMISS: I’m not at all sure what I’m doing here, to be perfectly honest. Apart from the severe paranoid fanatics out there who think the Government is trying to keep tabs on them, I don’t know who in the right mind would be anti-EZ Pass. Maybe if you REALLY like getting rid of spare change it works. But for me (I live in NY) you can’t barely get out of the city without spending at least five dollars. Spare change ain’t gonna cut it for me.