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Babies vs. Virtual Babies

By Dan Szymborski and Molly Schoemann

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: A shocking recent news story about a South Korean couple whose 3 month old baby starved to death while they obsessively played online computer games has brought a glaringly obvious and long-ignored truth to the forefront: Babies are boring.

DAN SZYMBORSKI: “I believe the children are our future, Teach them well and let them lead the way.”

Thus spake Whitney Houston.

Children are the future, unless we as a society band together and stop them. The best place to get to them is when they’re the youngest. Babies.

Lost: Week 6

By Zoë Rice and Ted Berg

ZOË RICE: Redemption. For this show, yes, after its lukewarm episode last week. But also, is that it? Will our entire end game be about redemption? And will that be enough? I can’t yet know the answer, but we sure got a heaping tablespoon of the stuff this week (redemption, that is, not answers), and overall I found myself satisfied. Thankfully, Ben Linus is a much more intriguing character than last week’s Sayid.

TED BERG:This was the best Lost episode of the season, I thought. That’s not saying a ton, and it wasn’t enough to get me back to being as wrapped up in the show’s plot and intricacies as I was in the first five seasons of its run, but it was good. A refreshing change of pace.

The Politics of the 9/11 Trials

By Akie Bermiss and Howard Megdal

HOWARD MEGDAL: There is a reasonable argument to be made for moving the trials of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the other 9/11 conspirators from 500 Pearl Street. A civilian trial in another location would provide every bit as much justice, with merely a reduction in the symbolism.

But the idea that the Obama Administration would now shy away from a civilian trial, in favor of a military one, doesn’t just scan poorly from a legal standpoint- it would be a horrific mistake, politically.

AKIE BERMISS: As the second year of the Obama administration begins to unfold and we analyst, wonks, and general political enthusiast begin to look for meaning in 2010 there are probably a few major issues to hone in on. Of the top of my head I would say they are Health Care Reform, DADT, Economy and Jobs, and: The 9/11 Trials. Its going to be crucial for Obama to make his stance on terrorism here and now. For many Americans Khalid Sheikh Mohammed remains the poster-boy (for lack of a better title) for America’s current battle against terrorism. Things seemed on track last year when Eric Holder floated the idea of trying Mohammed in Manhattan — in the district where the crime was committed. I, for one, thought it was a great idea. Try him in civilian court, right next to Ground Zero, and show the world how we’ve come back from the attack and how we, as Americans, do justice.

Babies in Bars

By Molly Schoemann and Howard Megdal

HOWARD MEGDAL: I wouldn’t begin to say that bringing a baby to a bar is a good idea. It is a ridiculous idea. A father who disagreed said this: “I long for adult contact. … I don’t want to be excluded from the adult world.” I say to him: “Get a babysitter. And if you can’t afford a babysitter, you probably shouldn’t be drinking.”

But I also don’t think that having babies in bars is any particular hardship for the people who don’t have children, and oppose rules that keep babies out of bars.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I don’t think that babies should be banned from bars; I’m not sure it’s possible to enforce a law like that anyway. In fact, the occasional quiet tot spending an hour or two in a corner booth with his parents is not a crime, nor does it generally disturb other customers. But such an occurrence should be the exception, and not the rule.

Tiger Woods’ Caddy

By Howard Megdal and Molly Schoemann

HOWARD MEGDAL: Shame on the media for spending months discussing the effect of Tiger Woods’ many affairs on his wife and children, while completely missing the person most betrayed by his transgressions: his caddy.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I feel that when discussing the impact which Tiger Woods’ transgressions have on his caddie, we are missing the bigger picture. Namely, the impact which Tiger Woods’s transgressions have had on that schlub over there eating a chili dog and wearing a Nike hat.

Grant on the $50, Jackson on the $20

By Howard Megdal and Dan Szymborski

HOWARD MEGDAL: I don’t happen to believe that Ronald Reagan belongs on currency. But if a future president is to replace anyone, it shouldn’t be Ulysses S. Grant on the $50, but Andrew Jackson on the $20.

SNL Recap: Zach Galifianakis / Vampire Weekend

By Steve Murphy, Zoë Rice and Howard Megdal

STEVE MURPHY: I think most actual Obama speeches are funnier than this sketch. Maybe they should stop calling this a “Cold Open” and start calling it the “Dead Open?”

ZOË RICE: Eh, the opening was just not that funny. They could have done something much more clever about healthcare.

HOWARD MEGDAL: This drags, and is utterly aimless. How hard would it have been to make fun of Democrats, Republicans or even the general public here? The target was nobody.

Oscars in Review

By Zoë Rice, Jillian Lovejoy Lowery and Akie Bermiss

ZOË RICE: Oscar night! I confess, I love it. The spectacle, the surprises, the speeches–I even love judging what I don’t love about the night. And of course, though it’s become cliche, I love talking about the fashion. I look forward to being wowed; I want to see a dress and think “Oh, it’s just gorgeous.” Unfortunately, I can’t say that happened much this time around. This year’s the red carpet was muted by peaches, pale pinks, dusky grays, and washed out metallics.
JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I love awards shows. Usually. Just not this year’s Academy Awards.

AKIE BERMISS: Well the 82nd Annual Academy Awards were last night, for those of you who didn’t know, and they were quite the scene, as usual. If I felt a little let down by the whole affair, it might be some sort of quaint nostalgia for the days when I think the Oscars were actually really, really important. Could be that I was just young and impressionable. And I wanted to be in movies back then. But all the stars came out last night and it WAS the Oscars, no doubt about that. The jokes were chuckle-worthy, but the biting humor and self-deprecation of the days when the hosts used to sing and dance and do some stand-up and really MC the evening was missing. It was surprising to see Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin so harnessed and restrained all evening. When being host isn’t what it used to be, the rest of the show really suffers.

Baby Names

By Akie Bermiss and Molly Schoemann

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I figured it might be useful during this discussion to have a look at some of the most popular Baby Names of 2009. It is fascinating to see the naming trends being created and followed by new parents.

AKIE BERMISS: In the Bermiss family we have no illusions about having popular names. My parents, black radicals in the 70s who decided settling down and raising a family would be the most radical move, acted out their revolutionary fantasies by giving us all African and Arabic first names. And, while I go by “Akie” most of the time, my full name is actually: ‘Aamir Lee Bermiss. And, of course, my first and last names are not pronounce AT ALL like how they are spelled. Needless to say I spent quite a few years trying to correct teachers and administrators over and over again before I came upon the provenance of a simple, yet still peculiar, nickname in “Akie.”

And its been smooth sailing ever since.