Tag Archives: Ted Berg

In Briefs: Hangovers

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Just curious, in TPP staff opinion, what form of booze causes the worst hangovers? I recall hearing that clear liquors like vodka were not as bad as brown liquors like bourbon. I seem to get worse red wine hangovers than white. I kind of wonder if there’s a science to this, or it’s all hearsay.

TED BERG: The worst hangovers on note are caused by Towne Club Vodka, exclusively available at Towne Liquors on Wisconsin Ave. in DC.

DAVE TOMAR: Any tequila from a plastic bottle. I spent a night with Cactus Jack once. I vomited so hard that I burst the blood vessels around my eyes. Continue reading

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Watching the Super Bowl: Yea or Nay?

TED BERG: I’m going to keep this simple: You watch the Super Bowl because it’s the Super Bowl.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I tend to forget about the ‘Super Bowl’ part of Super Bowl Parties until I walk in the door, and by then it’s too late; I’ve got a beer in each hand and my face in a bowl of bean dip and it would be too awkward to back out the door again. So every year, someone I know invites me to a Super Bowl Party, and like a Peanuts character, all I hear is “I’m having a wuh-wah-wuh Party this weekend, you should come!” So I always do, and I always suffer.

JEFF MORROW: I have never seen a Superbowl. I get a lot of reactions to that, all of them somewhere on the spectrum from incredulity to anger. Continue reading

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Sperm Banks

TED BERG: I’m not going to lie: I’ve always been a bit intrigued by sperm banks. I mean, they pay you… for that?

Apparently. And I’m not sure exactly what the qualifications are, nor whether I meet them, but I can guarantee you this much: I’ve got no ethical hangups about the ramifications of donating my seed to a sperm bank. Zero. I’m no Kirk Maxey.

DAVE TOMAR: I admit, the idea of a super-army of Ted Bergs is extremely compelling. I guess I’m just worried that my inbred mutant progeny could be exploited for the purposes of evil. I’m pretty sure that’s how they make Mouseketeers. There are like 60 Jonas Brothers and they just replace them whenever one gets ugly, overdoses on Meth or runs off to join a Satanic cult. I wouldn’t want my genetic stamp on that kind of putrescent human misery. Continue reading

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Eating Meat: Vegetarians/I’d Even Eat People, just not Dick Cheney/It is our responsibility to eat Dick Cheney, if possible


Being a vegetarian is really, really hard, but at least I get to feel morally superior to you.

Let’s face it, being a vegetarian is really, really hard. I started this craziness just under a year ago,…

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Flobots: Good/Not good

Flobots are good


As someone who enjoyed his formative years during the Clinton administration and now resides in Brooklyn, I’m contractually obligated to dislike anything that is at all earnest. That said, I think I kind of like…

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