Tag Archives: dating

Online Dating Study

AKIE BERMISS: We’re all very sensitive about what makes us attractive, aren’t we? As a pretty average looking guy (or less-than, depending who you ask!) I’ve always been pretty curious about what an attractive woman could possibly be seeing that would make her want to be with me. Especially with so many better-dressed, better-shaped, better-acting candidates available. I suppose there are all sorts of prickly issues there if you’re talking about male attractiveness in our patriarchal society with a heteronormative bias. Nevertheless, I manage to find admirers somehow. Yet a recent article on Jezebel.com has me reconsidering what I may or may not have been doing right. The article uses female pictures on a popular online dating sight to create an algorithm that correlates levels of beauty to levels of interest from men. And the results are kind of weird.

ZOË RICE: Good gracious, OK Cupid Blog. Do you know how long it took for me to be able to look at a photo of myself and think, “Hey, that’s cute”? “Cute” was that lofty goal throughout my adolescent years and even my blossoming early 20′s. And then I got there. I got to cute! And now you’re telling me that’s not good enough? OK Cupid, are you trying to make us all neurotic freaks?
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Rules of Dating

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: Here’s the thing about rules – I don’t really buy into them. I think that everything is circumstantial, so while it’s good to have general guidelines, I don’t cling to anything as law, and I won’t allow someone else’s ideology to dictate my behavior. And this is why I think Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger’s first date rules are kind of bullshit.

AKIE BERMISS: When it comes to dating, I’ve been told I’m an outlier and that conventional stories don’t apply to me. Fair enough — that is likely true. But I pretty much disagree with any attempt by anyone to say that there are “rules” for a first date. There are so many areas of our day-to-day lives that are governed by rules and regulations and guidelines. Must we include the search for love among those? Must we carefully edit ourselves in order to seem more desirable to prospective significant others? I don’t buy it. Especially when it is aimed at women — who have historically been the group most regulated in how they approach love and romance. Continue reading

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Food Culture and Relationships

EMILY SAIDEL: For partnerships to survive does there need to be a shared food culture? Molly and Akie have graciously shared their own experiences with food and love.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I definitely think that being in sync with food experiences is very helpful in a relationship. Food bonds you together. Also, in a serious relationship, you both end up spending a good deal of time preparing or ordering and eating food together.

AKIE BERMISS: I am funny eater. I don’t like the things that people say are good… and I love certain dishes that are considered pedestrian. To know me, is to know a man who loves his hamburgers and his bacon and his peanut butter (not all at once, of course). I hate cheese, seafood, and dairy products (I’ve still got friend who won’t cook for me because I don’t like butter). And when I am dating someone, I can be a real pain in the ass. Still, there is always give and take, I think. And that’s probably the healthiest ingredient to any relationship.

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Calling After the First Date

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Lately it seems as though a lot of women I love and respect have been prefacing statements with, “I’m not a feminist, but—“. This tends to make me mad, because the statements they’ve prefacing are usually about how women deserve to be treated equally, which, to me, is what feminism is essentially about.

AKIE BERMISS: Maybe I’m not the person who should be writing this. I don’t date well. I get alternately mildly talkative/anxious and viscious/untalkatively bored. I hate dates. I hate the idea of coming home from a day of work, getting showered and cleaned up and heading back out. I don’t like the whole trip on trying to keep things interesting. Dinner and movie is too dull? Can’t just go to a bar with live music?! Stroll in the park is a bit overdone (especially when you’re surrounded by other couples on their “romantic” walks). Yes, I’m awkward and unkempt and I don’t like crowds.

Let’s put this as simply as possible: what are you trying to date for? If the answer is anything significant, relationship-wise, let your emotions, not some ever-changing set of rules, be your guide. Continue reading

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Dating Site Discourse

EMILY SAIDEL: Beautifulpeople.com should be congratulated for setting a standard, as inconsistent as it may be with different members having different concepts of beauty, and sticking to it, rather than choosing the politically correct option of quietly ignoring the complaints.

ZOË RICE: The whole point of niche marketing is that for a given product, you know what the audience is. On my facebook sidebar alone I see ads every day to “Meet Christian Men,” “Find Black Singles,” “Marry A Millionaire,” “Meet Your Big and Beautiful Match,” “Wed Jewish.” So if a site that seeks to offer nothing more than “beautiful people” decides you are no longer beautiful…well, you should have known what niche you were getting into to begin with, no?

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Personally, I think that a lot of what I find attractive in other people, I put there myself. It’s not necessarily there to begin with.

AKIE BERMISS: I don’t know much about internet dating. Or how its really any significantly better than just the luck-of-the-draw that most of us utilize when picking a mate. But I do know one thing: the internet is a skeevy place — and you’d best be very wary when crossing technology and matters of the heart. For while technology allows the better angels of our humanity to flower and proliferate without deference to distance — it allows the same freedom for our worst demons. Yes, while the internet certainly helps us to donate money toward aid in Haiti, it also makes it easier to buy harvest organs on the black market (hypothetically…) It is the same internet which — in 2008 — helped to elect President Obama, that — in 2009, provided his right-wing detractors with the ability to hobble health care reform and climate control efforts. Continue reading

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