Tag Archives: Babies

In Briefs: Superfluous Baby Parties

HOWARD MEGDAL: I just read this article about a baby’s gender party. For 50 people. Did I mention that someone actually said to my wife with a fair degree ofconcern, “you really ought to start thinking about the first birthday party.” Which is, FYI, in late March. We use this line around the house now.

SARA WELSH: OK, I’m a pregnant lady (8 weeks with my first!) and would NEVER have a party to reveal the baby’s gender. Are you kidding me? A simple phone call is all that’s needed. This is yet another way of trying to get things from people. Continue reading

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Sleeping Babies

HOWARD MEGDAL: Hey you. Yes, you. The one who came to visit my baby, saw that my baby is asleep, and started surreptitiously speaking loudly while glancing over at my baby, hoping that your shrill, unwelcome voice will wake her so you can see what her eyes look like.

Her eyes are beautiful. But she’s a baby. She needs sleep. So shut the hell up.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Congratulations on that new baby—what a blessing! I truly couldn’t be happier for you. I look forward to visiting you and meeting your lovely new addition. I only ask that that when I do visit, you make sure your precious miracle is awake when I get there. You don’t have to dress it up fancy or anything; just poke it to get it to open its eyes. As I’m sure you’ve realized in the last couple of weeks, sleeping babies are pretty boring, especially to visitors. Continue reading

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Sex for Procreation

HOWARD MEGDAL: I can’t think of a single person whose sexual habits will change as a result of greater results with in-vitro fertilization.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Guess what, everyone! We’re like cows! At least when it comes to baby-making, obviously. This is according to a veterinarian in Australia, Dr. Yovich, who has published a study in the Journal of Reproductive BioMedicine. Continue reading

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In Briefs: Sports Events and Relationships

HOWARD MEGDAL: I used to judge relationships by how the Mets played during them. One girlfriend had something like a .580 winning percentage, which mitigated against her being a terrible girlfriend.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I seem to recall you having a rule that certain people at Bard were not allowed to hang out in your dorm room because when they did, the Mets tended to lose.

HOWARD MEGDAL: Wait, that’s really misstating things. There was one person, and twice she walked into the room immediately before a walkoff hit by the other team. What choice did I have? Continue reading

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Babies vs. Virtual Babies

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: A shocking recent news story about a South Korean couple whose 3 month old baby starved to death while they obsessively played online computer games has brought a glaringly obvious and long-ignored truth to the forefront: Babies are boring.

DAN SZYMBORSKI: “I believe the children are our future, Teach them well and let them lead the way.”

Thus spake Whitney Houston.

Children are the future, unless we as a society band together and stop them. The best place to get to them is when they’re the youngest. Babies. Continue reading

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Babies in Bars

HOWARD MEGDAL: I wouldn’t begin to say that bringing a baby to a bar is a good idea. It is a ridiculous idea. A father who disagreed said this: “I long for adult contact. … I don’t want to be excluded from the adult world.” I say to him: “Get a babysitter. And if you can’t afford a babysitter, you probably shouldn’t be drinking.”

But I also don’t think that having babies in bars is any particular hardship for the people who don’t have children, and oppose rules that keep babies out of bars.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I don’t think that babies should be banned from bars; I’m not sure it’s possible to enforce a law like that anyway. In fact, the occasional quiet tot spending an hour or two in a corner booth with his parents is not a crime, nor does it generally disturb other customers. But such an occurrence should be the exception, and not the rule. Continue reading

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First Birthday Party

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: The idea of throwing any kind of lavish celebration for a child’s first birthday seems excessive to me. Yes, it’s an exciting milestone, and it’s certainly an occasion that should be spent with friends and family…but does it call for ice sculptures?

HOWARD MEGDAL: If one-year-olds weren’t meant to have elaborate, lavish birthday parties, why do they make baby tuxedos? Continue reading

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Shaking Babies: Yeah, There’s an App for That

EMILY SAIDEL: If I didn’t want to shake babies, I’d have bought a Blackberry.
MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Is it Bad to Shake a Baby? I Used To Know. Continue reading

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Abstinence is Unrealistic OR Bring On Unwanted Babies!

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: If abstinence is right, then please, please, please let me be wrong.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Pregnant is the new successful! Continue reading

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