In Briefs: Stuff You Do In/After College

HOWARD MEGDAL: Was any of this cool in college?

JEFF MORROW: Perhaps “8 Things You Imagined Might Be Cool in College Long Before You Ever Went to College That, on Graduating College, You are Now Quite Sure Aren’t Cool and Probably Never Were” didn’t make for a snappy title?

I do steal less now. Then again, I still have my IHOP coffee carafe, the best pilfered good of my college days, and remain at least a little proud of my ability to lift it.

CHRIS PUMMER: In that picture of Denny’s, there was no actual order of Moons Over My Hammy. So this is a complete fraud.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: that list was ridiculously subjective. It’s like the writer had a looming deadline and went, “Here’s a list of what I used to do in college that I stopped doing! With pictures! Phew. Glad I met THAT deadline.”

It was not until my post-college years that I wised up to the fact that a mini-bottle of rum smuggled into a bar and added to a plain coke in the bathroom is a cheap and easy way to be…cheap and easy.

DANI ALEXIS RYSKAMP: I don’t know about the rest of you, but smuggling stolen Easy Mac in my bull-riding bikini was the coolest thing I did EVER.

HOWARD MEGDAL: I’ve seen many Rodney Dangerfield films. I went to school at a liberal bastion in the country. And I had never heard of bikini bull riding. Is this a well-known thing?

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: It was how I got between classes at Bard actually. But I put those childish ways behind me when I graduated.

You know what really did end after college? The mentality that you can just stay up all night hanging around an airport or whatnot in a strange city if you have an early flight. I don’t do that shit anymore. I get a hotel room.

DANI ALEXIS RYSKAMP: But catnapping on the floor of Charles de Gaulle Airport is one of the great pleasures of life! The airport is in France, so this must be true. ;)

(Actually, I consider that the low point of that particular trip….)

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I thought of this because I am trying to organize a trip to DC (5 hours away or so) for the Jon Stewart Rally, and it did not occur to me until just now that we could conceivably drive up on Friday night, stay up all night, go to the rally on Saturday and then drive home after it rather than paying $200 for a hotel room. This is because that would be a stupid and horrible idea. But college me would have been all, ‘What is a hotel room?’

HOWARD MEGDAL: Being able to book a hotel room is what separates man from lower-functioning apes. I’m referring to the Duncan Checks In Exception, of course. Anyone who intentionally watched that probably can’t book his own room.

This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.