The Seven-Week Itch

The following is a reader-submitted orphaned opinion.


JOHN CHRISTIAN HOPKINS: Sara and I are in our seventh week of marriage, and I’m sure many people are wondering about the secret to our longevity.
I can truthfully say that I am immune to the dreaded seven-week itch.
If Sara’s not here to scratch my itch, then I just drop a cat down the back of my shirt and let it scratch away.
Even though Sara and I are an old married couple now, we are still always happy to see each other. Part of this could be that we live four hours apart.
Ah, the twisted hands of time!
We returned from our honeymoon on a Saturday, and Sara had to pack her car and leave for Phoenix the next day. So, we really haven’t been around each other enough for me to get on her nerves. Yet.
When the weekend comes, Sara usually comes back to me, like a boomerang. If, that is, if a boomerang was sweet, kind and beautiful.
The thing I’ve craved most in my life – next to Drew Barrymore – is to know deep down, beyond doubt that someone loved me.
I don’t have any doubts about Sara.
She worries about me slipping back to my bachelor ways – and for good reason. My dinner last night consisted of a ham and Swiss Lunchable, a box of Crunch ‘n’ Munch and a can of Diet Pepsi Max.
But I only eat that healthy occasionally.
Still, to keep my alive, Sara cooks me dinners over the weekend; and makes enough so I’ll have leftovers for a couple of days during the week.
I think that proves that she loves me. Or else, she’s fattening me up because she’s a cannibal.
One of my new-found secret delights is checking the mail. Sara is a prolific letter writer, and she always manages to sneak a postcard in the mail at some point during the week.
It makes me feel special that she thinks I’m worth the extra little effort. It makes me want to do nice things for her. That’s why I sent her Munchie, a stuffed lion, to watch over her at work. When I’m not around, Munchie is her ‘mane’ man.
We talk at the phone, we laugh and giggle, like teenagers finding love for the first time.
To borrow from the words from a wise philosopher, because she’s mine, I walk the line.
So, if you want to know how to keep your relationship going, just follow the formula that works so well for Sara and I. No, not the living four-hours apart thing.
But just remember your love for each other, do little things so the other person knows you were thinking of them. Anyone can say they love you, but it echoes so much deeper when they show you.
Yeah, it’s been seven weeks, but I can honestly say that Sara is my best friend, and the reason I want to be a better person that I am. She is the sweet love of my life.
And it’s going to be like that forever.
Unless she is a cannibal.

This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.