HOWARD MEGDAL: Baby for beer.
DAN SZYMBORSKI: That’s really insulting and I hate people like that. What kind of moron thinks a baby is worth 2 beers? The U.S. Agriculture Department estimates the current cost of raising a baby to 18 is approximately $300,000. You’re going to saddle this guy with something that costs more than his house and you expect *him* to give *you* beer in return? Man, economics courses should really be part of the standard high school curriculum.
MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Also, how can you be sure that guy was being serious? It seems a little crazy to call the police for something like that unless you’re sure the guy is trying to give up his baby for your cold, delicious, better-than-a-baby beer. Why not talk him down, offer him a 40oz, and swap stories about how it’s hard to be a parent, then send him on his way? That’s how that should have ended.
Also, whatever brand of beer that was, they should totally market themselves as Better Than A Baby Beer.
HOWARD MEGDAL: Dan, that is an awfully simplistic way of looking at this, economically. Babies cost a lot to maintain, like houses- they are also, unlike houses, seemingly immune to the ebb and flow of the market. Babies, especially American babies, always sell for a premium.
So I have a very young baby, who will, due to her unnaturally fine mind, require constant educational upkeep. And I am certain she would fetch more on the open market than the price it takes to maintain her.
This is like coming across a Honus Wagner T-206 at a garage sale, and reporting the garage sail for operating commercially in a residential zone.