In Briefs: Cadbury Creme Eggs

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Does the Kraft takeover of Cadbury make anyone else sad? it kind of feels like Nigella Lawson is being bent over by Rachael Ray…..except less hot.

JEFF MORROW: Is there any possibility this can result in the year-long domestic sale of Creme Eggs? If not, I’m against it.

STEVE MURPHY: Side Note: In the UK they get Creme Eggs all the time, in the form of the “Cadbury Twisted” bar. Lucky bastards.

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I do love those Creme Eggs…. And I like the commercials, too. Clucking bunnies make me smile.

JEFF MORROW: Steve, I know, and it kills me. Also, the eggs may be easier to find off-season, I’m not sure.

I was in a market in London’s East End once in August, and there was a dude selling tons of Creme Eggs that I’m sure were six months old, but nonetheless bought them in something approaching bulk.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: See, call me a huge snobby elitist, but I prefer my Creme Eggs seasonally available. And they’re really pushing that at this point. I was in the grocery store in January and I saw them. JANUARY! Middle of winter! That’s no time to have Creme Eggs! If you laid them in winter, those little creme fetuses would freeze instantly, March of the Penguins style.

CHRIS NEEDHAM: Nobody’s discussing the travesty that is them cutting back the size of the eggs? They used to really be the size of a small egg. Now, I think a rabbit probably COULD pass one of them. Damn cheap Cadbury corporation.

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I think I meant to say, “creme embryos.” I’m also sorry I went there, everyone.

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I really hate when you get one, and the filling’s all icky. You know what I mean, right? Like, it’s sort of hard and looks like it’s crystalizing? Or is my Creme Egg supplier just selling me old product?

And, Chris, I actually prefer the new size. As much as I love them, the larger size was just too much sweet in one dose for me.

CHRIS NEEDHAM: “Just too much sweet” doesn’t compute. Does NOT COMPUTE.

Is there any wonder why my wife says I look like a fat Tobey Maguire?

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: I kind of really like the idea of comparing yourself to celebrities and finding out which one you are ‘the fat version’ of.

JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: My bloat’s from salt and booze, not sweets!

Great. Now I’m a young, fat Arianna Huffington