Alan Grayson
AKIE BERMISS: When Alan Grayson told Chris Matthews that Dick Cheney should “STFU” — well I, for one, was ecstatic. I’ve been saying that every time I hear Dick Cheney speak since the turn of the century. And in the liberal salons that I frequent (Starbucks? Target? Barnes & Noble?) its not uncommon to hear Cheney come up in the course of the evening political discourse. And invariably someone will say, “Well what he needs to do is shut the f*** up!” So I will say this: it was nothing new. Nothing revolutionary. No surprises there. Still, I wonder sometimes about Grayson: does he go too far?
There is a time and a place for antics. Why? Because they can get in the way of productivity. I hate nothing more than the three-ring circus that is FOX News, if they’d just do sensibly conservative journalism we might not have to deal with MSNBC and what has become of CNN. And, look, I love MSNBC. I’m a liberal and it feels good to hear just how awesome my positions are, why they are right, and which Republicans are evil, crooked, and conniving. At the same time, I’ve had to really cut back on my MSNBC since last year’s election. There’s only so much self-aggrandizing I can stand before I begin to feel ill. Give me a few who disagree! Something to counter the sickening sweetness of all this mellifluous leftism.
But I’m straying from the topic at hand: Alan Grayson. So I feel like there just something a little too awesome about Grayson throwing all his snarky wit in the Republicans’ faces. This is the same representative who said that the Republican Health Care plan was: “Don’t get sick and if you do get sick, die quickly.” Dead-on, of course. But it lacks any subtlety. And the story after that became about him. Should he apologize? Will he apologize? How dare he say that from the floor? Too his credit, he did return to the floor the next day under the premise of apologizing perhaps to his Republican colleagues, but only to apology to all those millions of Americans who have died because they could not get quality, affordable Health Care. Smart move, that.
I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. I did a little background research on our boy Grayson. Born in NY, attended Bronx High School of Science, the Harvard University where, while working his way through school, he managed to graduate in the top 2% of his class in just three years. He worked for a couple of years and then: went back to Harvard to get a J.D. of Law and a Masters degree from the Harvard School of Government. So lets not pretend he’s some simpleton or just incapable of controlling himself. He’s clearly and intelligent individual with talent and drive. He went on from there to work in law primarily taking whistle-blower fraud cases against government contractors.
Some where in there, I guess, he moved to Florida, ran for office, and got elected. Now this enfant terrible is wreaking havoc in the Capital building. Given the illuminating background research, I find myself more at ease with Grayson being so outspoken. The fear, with out-spoken representatives, is that they’ll eventually put their foot in their mouth. Eventually, they’ll pull a Joe Wilson and disrespect the office of the President of the United States. Eventually, they’ll turn out to have a foreign mistress or a married mistress or a same-sex mister-ess — and all their constant shouting will be some much more poignantly made meaningless.
But something in me (must be the latte-sipping liberal) finds comfort in his obvious intelligence, his past diligence, and his obvious concern for getting things done. I don’t think Grayson is setting us up for a fall. Nor is he cast precisely in the mold of a gaffe-master like Joe Biden. Instead, he is conscientiously talking truth to power. And how many people can you say that about? He’s not just running his mouth — he’s got plans. He’s making moves. It may not be nice to say, but you know what? Dick Cheney does need to shut the f*** up.
And quickly.
MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Can Dick Cheney morph into liquid form and slither under doors and into our homes at night? Can he suck the souls of his victims out through their mouths, Dementor-style? Is there a reason to be afraid of him that I don’t yet understand? Because where others see a respected political figure who tells it like it is, all I see is an angry, cantankerous old man who used to wield enormous power and now wields enormous bitterness. He’s Walter Matthau’s evil twin; a Ralph Steadman portrait of a malevolent old grouch come to life.
Granted, Dick Cheney IS a little scary. He’s got the piercing death stare down—and he’s perfected the twisted, grimacing smirk of someone who would enjoy watching you march to the gallows. Apparently he’s also writing a book, which is sure to be an even fouler Necronomicon than ‘Going Rogue’. When you open that book, spirits will drift from the pages moaning ‘eeeeevil’. (Unlike the spirits which drift from Palin’s book, which simply wink and say ‘youuu betchaaa’.)
But he shouldn’t be scary! Not anymore! What he SHOULD be is out of the public’s eye. Why, now that he’s no longer directly involved in politics, does Cheney feel the need to pop up in every corner of the news like a bald, sneering whack-a-mole to make dire predictions and offer scathing, hate-filled words of warning to the current administration? There’s enough vindictiveness and negative energy in Washington without our former Vice President telling everyone that our current president is ‘projecting weakness to America’s enemies’. You know what I want to tell someone who goes around badmouthing the current administration, when he and his cronies left the country to them in the worst shape in decades? I want to tell them to Shut the F*** Up.
And someone finally did! Alan Grayson! And he wasn’t vaporized into a million pieces! His entire family was not found dead in their beds the next morning! Hopefully this is only the beginning of Dick Cheney being told to shut the f*** up in myriad ways by multiple people. I’m betting that there are plenty of others who have long wanted to tell him the same thing, but weren’t sure exactly how to. And maybe now they have an idea! So thank you, Alan Grayson, for telling Dick Cheney what he should be told every time he opens his ugly mouth. As Cheney himself once told Senator Leahy on the senate floor, “Go f*** yourself”! No, Cheney—YOU go F*** yourself! See—it feels good! Everybody try it!