Horror Movies: Top 5s
JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY: I love being scared; I love every second of it. There’s nothing like it. (*In controlled situations, of course. Don’t get any funny ideas).
Your heart races, your chest tightens, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow. Â Everything is in slow motion, and every sense is so heightened that the hair on the back of your neck aches, and something as simple as swallowing seems nearly impossible.
Then, finally, whatever is going to happen, happens. And all of that dread that’s been building up is released and washes over you. You’re helpless, but you’re free from the agony of waiting. It’s exhilarating; it’s a release; it’s divine. It’s one of the most delicious feelings I know.
That said, it’s no wonder that I’m a total horror movie junkie. I’ll watch pretty much anything that’s guaranteed to scare the hell out of me, but I do tend to prefer the older stuff. Today’s horror films, in general, leave me wanting. They’re too glossy, too slick, too overdone. Horror is a messy genre, folks, and for me, removing the grit lessens the impact. Otherwise, I’ll watch it all – classics, slasher flicks, gore-fests, vampires, zombies, werewolves, cannibals, mutants. Other than feeling contempt for all of the tired franchises or embarrassingly sanitized remakes that are popular today, I am not all that discriminating.
To that end, I knew that coming up with my personal Top Five list would be daunting – and it was, though not for the reasons I expected. Instead of fretting about which of my favorites I’d have to leave unmentioned, I kept coming up with films that weren’t necessarily horror, in the traditional sense, but that nevertheless left me absolutely beside myself with fear. And then I started wondering, what exactly constitutes a horror movie?
Fatal Attraction is not a horror movie, but, man, is it scary. The same can be said for Deliverance. Heavenly Creatures is one of the most chilling films I’ve ever seen, but it’s not a really horror movie – or is it? And David Lynch’s body of work has some of the most unsettling cinematic moments that I can recall. If Eraserhead doesn’t qualify as a horror movie, I don’t know what does.
As a result, the focus of my list has shifted multiple times.  First, I thought it would be my straight-up favorites, but that’s tricky. Pet Semetary is one of my favorites, since it was the first horror movie I ever watched, in sixth grade. I have a soft spot for this one, though I realize it’s not as objectively good as many others. Then, I thought about choosing the ones that left me fetal on my couch, likely in shock. The Audition came to mind – truly the most effectively terrifying and uncomfortable movie I’ve watched – but not really being into torture porn, I have trouble touting it on a list.
But, in the spirit of Halloween, I’ve tried to compile as comprehensive a list possible, given there are only five spots. My picks span decades and have greatly differing sensibilities. I’ve made an effort not to choose all the typical films that hold the top five spots on countdown shows or lists. I loved The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, but you will not find them here.
So now, without further ado….
My Top 5 (in descending order)
5. Nosferatu – There’s something inherently spooky about silent films, even when they’re not trying for it. With this, though, it’s intentional. Nosferatu is one of the most ambient, riveting movies that I’ve seen, and Edward Cullen’s got nothing on Max Schreck’s Count. If you think you like vampire mythology, but you’ve not seen this film, you are a sorry excuse for a fan. Obtain a copy and enjoy. And then follow it up with 2000’s The Shadow of the Vampire, which is a fictionalized account of the making of Nosferatu, and a really solid watch (though not great enough to make the cut, other than this brief mention.)
4. 28 Days Later – This is one that might not be a horror movie. I don’t care, because it’s genius. Truth be told, I’m not that into zombies. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll enjoy a zombie movie, but given the choice, I rarely pick zombies when presented with another option. They’re stodgy and slow, and there is absolutely nothing sexy about them. People want to be werewolves and vampires; no one wishes to be a zombie. But 28 Days Later gives zombies one hell of a makeover – reinvents them with energy and purpose. Instead of stumbling along behind you, quietly moaning, they’re fast, slick and remarkably more threatening than in any other movie in which they’re characters.
3. Se7en – I’m cheating again, because you will not find this in the horror section of your local video store. Horror, thriller – should be the same thing, right? Se7en still messes me up every time I watch it. It’s bleak, through and through. You know from the very beginning that there is no happy ending in store. The premise is exquisitely horrible – a serial killer is picking off people with traits he finds undesirable. Vigilante justice is a theme that seems to be gaining more and more popularity, but Se7en stands alone in capturing both the brutality and the creativity of its antagonist. This is a villain for whom audiences have no sympathy, but one whom we cannot help but respect for all his intricate orchestrations.
2. Dead Alive (aka Braindead) – I had real difficulty deciding whether to award the number two spot to this movie, or to Evil Dead 2, but opted for Dead Alive, since it’s less well-known.  It’s a delightfully gory romp that’s surprisingly slap-sticky and remarkably bloody. Like all of the films in the Evil Dead franchise, this movie isn’t actually scary. The camp factor is high, and I imagine that Peter Jackson’s tongue was planted firmly in his cheek for this making of this. The thing is, it’s really gross. Really, really gross. You’ll squeal. But you’ll be laughing. And you’ll love every second of it
1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – The original, obviously. No offense, Jessica Biel, but your version was sorely lacking. The original TCM is, hands-down, one of the best movies ever made – horror or not. Yes, it’s a slasher movie. No, it’s not gory. There’s hardly any blood. It’s intensely psychological, and the timing is impeccable. It builds slowly, sets a tone. TCM took a month to shoot, stars unknown actors and started the now ubiquitous trend of the faceless bad guy. Loosely inspired by serial killer Ed Gein, Leatherface is imposing and irrational – a villain with a whole lot of madness, but not much method behind it. The entire movie is sublime, but the two moments that still give me shivers are the scene with the hitchhiker (who, to me, is even more terrifying than Leatherface), and the closing scene – Leatherface, dancing in the field with his chainsaw, at sunset. This is a perfect movie.
I’m sad for all the movies and characters I was unable to mention – I am incredibly fond of so many. For as much as I grouse about most of the horror movies that are currently being released, I’m confident that, several times a year, something will come along that leaves me limp with fear and interrupts my sleep schedule for a night. And, for that, I’m incredibly grateful.
TED BERG: OK, I like a lot of horror movies. But I like a lot of horror movies for a variety of reasons, from ridiculous violence to unintentional comedy. The following list does not include numerous movies I thoroughly loved, perhaps more than the ones I mention below. The Evil Dead series, for example, did not make it for being too self-consciously campy. American Psycho didn’t make it because I feel like it was too good and too funny to be considered a horror movie proper. What follows, in honor of Halloween, are my five favorite horror movies that actually scared me.
5. Candyman – OK, I’ll be honest and say I haven’t seen Candyman in a really long time and it could be massively dumb. But I watched it with some of my friends in middle school and it scared the bejesus out of me. If you’re unfamiliar, this is the story of a woman who, for whatever bizarre reason, decides to pursue a graduate dissertation about an urban legend who kills people when they summon him by saying his name — Candyman — five times in the mirror. It’s creepy as shit, I promise. I couldn’t look in a mirror for nearly a year after I saw it, which is ironic because I’m beautiful.
4. 28 Days Later – The only zombie movie on the list, because though I love the genre, very few of them actually scare me. This one, about a man who wakes up from surgery to find London ravaged by a zombifying virus, did. The zombies are fast, which bothers some hardcore zombie traditionalists, but it made them so much scarier. Also, it’s shot on digital video, so the whole thing has a home-movie feel to it that adds to the general sense of bleakness. It turns out the movie has a message — that human nature is evil, and the humans are just as bad as the zombies — but whatever. My heart was pumping from the very first scene, when an infected monkey first spreads the virus to a human, to the end. Scary movie.
3. The Omen – I love me some religious terror, and this is another one that got to me at a young age. Essentially, an American family living in Italy accidentally adopts the Antichrist. And man is it creepy. Little kids have an alarming capacity freak me out, and the cute little bastard they had playing Damian here might very well be the reason that started. Gregory Peck plays the father who’s trying to piece everything together, alongside a photographer friend. Part of the jig is that every time the photographer catches a snapshot of one of the people who will end up being killed because of the kid, the way he or she will die appears faintly on the developed photo. Oh, also: It has the most amazing, pitch-perfect horror movie soundtrack of all-time. Honestly, this movie gives me the chills just writing about it.
2. The Shining – Did I mention that little kids freak me out? So do insanity and cabin fever. Apparently a lot of people hate this movie and don’t find it scary at all, but it freaked the shit out of me. Giant rivers of blood? Check. Bizarre telepathic groundskeepers? Check. Scary-ass little girls? Check. Jack Nicholson with an axe? Check.
1. Halloween – This might not be the scariest movie on this list, but it is easily my favorite. There’s nothing I appreciate more in horror movies than the sneak-up, and Michael Myers is an absolute badass at the sneak-up. Oh, what’s that in your side-view mirror, sir? It’s Michael Myers, and he’s about to slash the crap out of you. This is way more traditional horror fare than I usually enjoy, but it’s perfect. From what I understand, it’s essentially the first and definitive entry in the slasher-movie genre, and from watching it you can understand why people would want to make more movies like it. Also, another movie with a perfect score, and one that’s now been sampled at least a billion times.