In Briefs: French Knighthood

MOLLY SCHOEMANN: They knighted Salma Hayek. You know, like how you do.

AKIE BERMISS: It has always been my secret desire to get a knight hood from some ancient white-country. And put something like “sir” on my checks or my debit card. would be fun. Of course, Salma Hayek HAS done great things for France. She totally deserves this award. But seriously, how does the title of Chevalier not become an utter joke now?

HOWARD MEGDAL: In fairness, Maurice Chevalier was a Nazi sympathizer. So maybe we should just think of the name as already devalued by his complicity?

AKIE BERMISS: Well… we’re talking about France… I mean…

CHRIS PUMMER: I’ve never dreamed of being a knight. It sounds like a lot of work, and at the behest of whom? I’m not pounding the pavement to advance a set of politics I likely don’t agree with. It’s not likely I’d get to retire to a castle and shit as a reward for my services.

Keep the knighthood.

AKIE BERMISS: Whoa – you don’t get land with the title any more? Do you get damsels? I’d do it for the damsels.

CHRIS PUMMER: I think you get a voucher for the land that doesn’t keep up with inflation. You’ve got to get the damsels on your own.

AKIE BERMISS: This is sounding more and more like a ponzi scheme.

CHRIS PUMMER: Yea. The non-compete agreement they make you sign also keeps you from jumping to another kingdom and suppresses your wages. So you can forget about the parcel and the damsels with the castle and the moat. That’s just a line trade schools feed you to get you to sign up their knighthood program.

And forget about online knight school. That’s an even bigger scam.

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