Orphaned Opinions
Orphaned Opinion/Reader Discourse: Zombieland
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SAM PAGE: Zombieland, the horror-comedy film from first-time director Ruben Fleischer, delivers on some good character humor, and that’s really the extent of it. The film, bound to draw several inapt comparisons to the British Shaun of the Dead, becomes “the first horror comedy in recent memory to find significant theatrical success” by mostly avoiding the horror. Whereas Shaun succeeded through the gruesome post-apocalyptic background contrasting the more pressing, ordinary problems of the protagonist, Zombieland’s undead only exist to have their head beat in with Woody Harrelson’s banjo.
Heroes: Heroic?
MOLLY SCHOEMANN: If I’m ever put on six months of bed rest, I will seek the abyss that will at that point be thirty seasons of Lost. This summer I was in the mood for much lighter fare. Heroes it was!
AKIE BERMISS: Can anybody out there save me from the torture that is heroes? I know its bad for me. I know its bad for humanity. But I can’t stop watching! Why? Wherefore this morbid fascination with such bald mediocrity? Its worse that reality television. With reality television its real people wasting their lives on television while the rest of us watch and laugh and shake our heads. Heroes is real actors THROWING their careers away while we all watch wonder: how did it get this bad?
Susan Boyle: A Multipart Discourse
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AKIE BERMISS:Secret Ingredients of a Pop Star
MOLLY SCHOEMANN: Susan Boyle, C’est Moi
Grey Gardens
Grey Gardens: A Non-Review
MOLLY SCHOEMANN:
“It’s very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present, you know what I mean?”
–Edith Bouvier Beale
I was…
Is A-Rod’s life like a soap opera? Don’t touch that dial!
Now that Alex Rodriguez is on the shelf recovering from surgery for the next few months, will the soap opera surrounding him calm down? As A-Rod once said to a Toronto infielder trying to catch a pop-up, HA!
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He Only Lies Because He Needs Attention
Remember the jocks you went to high school with? Remember how much more refined and intellectually curious they were than all the negative stereotypes you saw about them in the nerd-controlled media. Remember how they never actually challenged you to fights after school or punched you for walking on the nondescript picture of the school mascot in the middle of the floor, right inside the school’s front door? Remember how they never actually ignored classes that weren’t important because they got scholarships to college without knowing anything other than how to run around a lot and hit a ball with a stick or run into another person very quickly while being overweight?
Odd Man Out, or Who Do You Trust?
RON KAPLAN: About 50 years ago, a pre-Tonight Show Johnny Carson hosted a game-show program called Who Do You Trust? Think of it as a precursor to reality TV.
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So This Kid Tells Me This Book Won The Man Booker Prize.
I recently walked into my local national monopolated bookstore chain outlet company corporation franchise and asked what the latest good book was. I didn’t expect much, given the type of people they hire at those places (I hear they’ll take practically anyone. In fact, you should apply there, since you’re reading this, and are clearly more literate than the poor, misguided soul who tried to ‘help’ me, and don’t ask me how I know you’re unemployed, because in today’s economy those few people lucky enough to have jobs simply don’t have time to read little things like blogs, opinion columns and stop signs; they’re too busy making extra xerox copies and unwanted pots of coffee for each other to show how grateful they really are to just not be unemployed yet) but, sadly, I discovered that the predictably deplorable situation, unfortunately, has declined.
Rejected Yankee bonding expedition ideas
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The Oscars: Watchable at Last?
JILLIAN LOVEJOY LOWERY:
“More Show, Less Biz” makes for a more watchable Oscar.
In the Barbara Walters pre-Oscar special, Hugh Jackman promises an Academy Awards ceremony that offers “a little more show, a little less biz,” which sounds like…